Do you have the thirst for terrorism, drive towards death and a global vision for violence...If so, then this is the right job for you...
Skills: The candidate should be skilled in bomb blasts, kidnaps, beheadings and/or any other forms of terrorism. Leadership skills are a bonus and would be given higher preference.
Experience: Should have atleast killed a 100 people or injured many. Must have featured in a beheading video at the least.
Emoluments:
Will be better than most of the industry standards with free accommodation in Indian prison. Lifetime supply of food. Free security as well. Peaceful death guaranteed and other benefits like free unwanted media attention plus a chance to feature in the front pages of dailies.
Training and Posting:
Training will be held at secret locations that everyone in P*kistan are aware of and the top performers will be posted in India or the USA/UK.
For further details, Kindly contact P*kistan...:)
Monday, July 25, 2011
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Keep the change..!!
There are many at times where we feel a change is required. For some,
this might be at work, in relationships or elsewhere that decides on
the quality and quantity of happiness or something else. What has
baffled me off late is...why the hell would you want to change your
Zodiac sign. Probably its a new year resolution of someone who has an
empty terrace and wanted to garner some attention.
For the uninitiated, there has been a new zodiac sign "Ophiuchus"
added to the current lot which sounds more or less like an alien name
straight out of a sci-fi flick which must be a crossover between
Opium, Octopus and a Japanese Anime chick, not necessarily in the same
order. This has been added as its related to some blah blah and for
various other reasons which I am sure is meant not to be understood. I
cant really fathom the state of the mind of that person who is
actually jobless enough to sit and formulate this whole notion of
adding a new sign. I think that its the same idiot who named a god
forsaken volcano as "Eyjafjallajökull" who has done this also. Its
fine and harmless as long as you keep weird names for things that most
of them don't bother to keep a track of. But to name a new zodiac sign
like this is absolutely stupid and credit will be due to those people
for abusing their right to be stupid.
Let alone naming it, the very concept of adding a new zodiac sign will
send down shivers to many. Along with the birth of this new sign, many
problems and questions are attached to this...Some of them are-
1. Poor Linda Goodman has to add a few pages to her book which
translates to as efforts in the form analyzing people, listing out
their traits, their peculiarities and all that- pretty taxing I must
say.
2. The dilemma still lingers in my mind if I am the type of the old
zodiac sign or my newly changed zodiac sign. In my case, I WAS a
Cancerian but now I should be a Gemini. Cancerians are pretty
creative, intuitive and all that. Now that my sign has changed, should
I stop being creative and stop predicting things.?!
3. Isn't this thing supposed to be applicable only for those who were
born post this addition and not for the ones before it due to the fact
that when I was born on July 3rd 87, the sign read cancer not Gemini.
4. The very loyalties of the people will be questioned and tested as
we never know to which sign should we be loyal to. I for one don't
understand if I should stop my loyalty and pride of 23 years for
cancer and start loving the Gemini.
5. The basic question of whether to be sad to leave the old zodiac
sign which has been part of our lives till now or to be happy for
getting a totally new sign.?!
All these and many more issues will arise thanks to this new zodiac
sign. I feel that if this movement is ignored, I am sure that
everything will revert to normal. If it cant be, Oh well, there is
always the Linda Goodman for all of us to read about our new sign and
for the ones who come under the Octopus or whatever it is, tough luck
people, you have to wait for her next write up.
And for the ones who love this shift in zodiac sign, I would like to
say " Keep the 'change' " (Pun is supposed to be intended) for they
will be needing it along with some pity..!!
this might be at work, in relationships or elsewhere that decides on
the quality and quantity of happiness or something else. What has
baffled me off late is...why the hell would you want to change your
Zodiac sign. Probably its a new year resolution of someone who has an
empty terrace and wanted to garner some attention.
For the uninitiated, there has been a new zodiac sign "Ophiuchus"
added to the current lot which sounds more or less like an alien name
straight out of a sci-fi flick which must be a crossover between
Opium, Octopus and a Japanese Anime chick, not necessarily in the same
order. This has been added as its related to some blah blah and for
various other reasons which I am sure is meant not to be understood. I
cant really fathom the state of the mind of that person who is
actually jobless enough to sit and formulate this whole notion of
adding a new sign. I think that its the same idiot who named a god
forsaken volcano as "Eyjafjallajökull" who has done this also. Its
fine and harmless as long as you keep weird names for things that most
of them don't bother to keep a track of. But to name a new zodiac sign
like this is absolutely stupid and credit will be due to those people
for abusing their right to be stupid.
Let alone naming it, the very concept of adding a new zodiac sign will
send down shivers to many. Along with the birth of this new sign, many
problems and questions are attached to this...Some of them are-
1. Poor Linda Goodman has to add a few pages to her book which
translates to as efforts in the form analyzing people, listing out
their traits, their peculiarities and all that- pretty taxing I must
say.
2. The dilemma still lingers in my mind if I am the type of the old
zodiac sign or my newly changed zodiac sign. In my case, I WAS a
Cancerian but now I should be a Gemini. Cancerians are pretty
creative, intuitive and all that. Now that my sign has changed, should
I stop being creative and stop predicting things.?!
3. Isn't this thing supposed to be applicable only for those who were
born post this addition and not for the ones before it due to the fact
that when I was born on July 3rd 87, the sign read cancer not Gemini.
4. The very loyalties of the people will be questioned and tested as
we never know to which sign should we be loyal to. I for one don't
understand if I should stop my loyalty and pride of 23 years for
cancer and start loving the Gemini.
5. The basic question of whether to be sad to leave the old zodiac
sign which has been part of our lives till now or to be happy for
getting a totally new sign.?!
All these and many more issues will arise thanks to this new zodiac
sign. I feel that if this movement is ignored, I am sure that
everything will revert to normal. If it cant be, Oh well, there is
always the Linda Goodman for all of us to read about our new sign and
for the ones who come under the Octopus or whatever it is, tough luck
people, you have to wait for her next write up.
And for the ones who love this shift in zodiac sign, I would like to
say " Keep the 'change' " (Pun is supposed to be intended) for they
will be needing it along with some pity..!!
Monday, January 03, 2011
To Befriend or not to..
What is Friendship and how wonderful it is to have people who matter around you all the time is something we all have known since childhood and I don''t see any purpose in trying to repeat it here. But what I really want to know is that, are there some prewritten rules or formula which SHOULD be followed to be someones friend failing which you will be out of their lives, you know the things like:
1.Must call up and talk,share things with them for at the least 'n' times/week.
2.Should go out with them even when you have your own reasons for avoiding that trip.
3.Should meet them every now and then.
4.Should actively "participate" in their discussions.
So on and so forth...someone please correct me if I am wrong...but it seems like IF only these things are followed/done, can we be friends..?!.I have had friends who are wonderfully true to me despite the fact that NONE of the above conditions are met. Cant friendship exist without such stupid rules...I don't see any logic in trying to get judgmental over people who haven't followed those afore mentioned rules. As far as my knowledge goes, friendship should be all about the bonding,trust and understanding not some prewritten rules which can be easily broken when distances matter...
Also, I really don't understand how is that someone who was yours can gradually become alien...how can you hate someone you loved...it feels sick to realize the fact that someone to whom you mattered a lot is actually plotting your course map towards the exit...All this hurts even more when you realize that all along their morphing, you have been the same...I don't really understand why should someone else pay for someone elses attitude change when you have always been the same...
Well...I shall stop this note here before others get an idea of me killing myself..NO..I am fine, just wanted to write this for quite a long time...!!
1.Must call up and talk,share things with them for at the least 'n' times/week.
2.Should go out with them even when you have your own reasons for avoiding that trip.
3.Should meet them every now and then.
4.Should actively "participate" in their discussions.
So on and so forth...someone please correct me if I am wrong...but it seems like IF only these things are followed/done, can we be friends..?!.I have had friends who are wonderfully true to me despite the fact that NONE of the above conditions are met. Cant friendship exist without such stupid rules...I don't see any logic in trying to get judgmental over people who haven't followed those afore mentioned rules. As far as my knowledge goes, friendship should be all about the bonding,trust and understanding not some prewritten rules which can be easily broken when distances matter...
Also, I really don't understand how is that someone who was yours can gradually become alien...how can you hate someone you loved...it feels sick to realize the fact that someone to whom you mattered a lot is actually plotting your course map towards the exit...All this hurts even more when you realize that all along their morphing, you have been the same...I don't really understand why should someone else pay for someone elses attitude change when you have always been the same...
Well...I shall stop this note here before others get an idea of me killing myself..NO..I am fine, just wanted to write this for quite a long time...!!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
The Special "She" of my life..
Two kids used to hang around with each other due to the lack of choices available for either. They were the firsts in each others lives. Neither were aware of the gender differences of each other and played along. Never did they stand the sight of each other for both were bent on teasing each other. But as fate would have it, they were stuck with each other till they became teens from toddlers. Later on, as time passed by, they gradually became aware of the surroundings, society and the gender divide and their relationship eventually faded. One of the kids is the guy who is typing this post.
I dint believe in friendship until it came across to me that someone was actually able to withstand all my crap for 22 odd years. I was all that she had and she was all that I had in our respective childhoods. To say that I loved her is an understatement for what we had for each other was something more than all the love in this planet.
That eventful day arrived when she was tying the knot. There she was on the stage, glittering with jewels and shining like the moon. Smiles all over the place and on her beautiful face. When our eyes met as I entered the hall, an undisputed sense of happiness mixed with grief was seen on her face for, her thought was the same as mine at this very moment -"Why does this have to happen, why should we go away from each other.?" Tears filled our eyes as I shook hands with "him", yet, we did not cry. As I came down from the stage, I cherished the memories with her and I bid an adieu, for, she will never be mine again as she has been for the past twenty two years. Not love, nor friendship, bordering somewhere above these two, we lived together all these years, yet apart. Farewell my dear, I wish you a very happy married life. I will miss you and I also know that you will miss me more than I do.
Take Care.
p.s:
I know that its not the end of world as she is getting married. But then, for obvious reasons, this would be the end of this wonderful run that I had with her. Thanks for all those moments.
Thanks.!!
I dint believe in friendship until it came across to me that someone was actually able to withstand all my crap for 22 odd years. I was all that she had and she was all that I had in our respective childhoods. To say that I loved her is an understatement for what we had for each other was something more than all the love in this planet.
That eventful day arrived when she was tying the knot. There she was on the stage, glittering with jewels and shining like the moon. Smiles all over the place and on her beautiful face. When our eyes met as I entered the hall, an undisputed sense of happiness mixed with grief was seen on her face for, her thought was the same as mine at this very moment -"Why does this have to happen, why should we go away from each other.?" Tears filled our eyes as I shook hands with "him", yet, we did not cry. As I came down from the stage, I cherished the memories with her and I bid an adieu, for, she will never be mine again as she has been for the past twenty two years. Not love, nor friendship, bordering somewhere above these two, we lived together all these years, yet apart. Farewell my dear, I wish you a very happy married life. I will miss you and I also know that you will miss me more than I do.
Take Care.
p.s:
I know that its not the end of world as she is getting married. But then, for obvious reasons, this would be the end of this wonderful run that I had with her. Thanks for all those moments.
Thanks.!!
Friday, May 14, 2010
"How is it that" series.....part I
In movies:
1. The heroine falls in love only after the hero has single handedly fought the baddies...which he eventually will.
2. No doctor has ever said good news till date; they remove the specs just to say "Condition is serious, nothing can be said for another 24 hours". Also, the main role of the doctor is to spot a medical miracle and state it.
3. No matter how big the city is, the hero and heroine are sure to meet at the least twice or more before they start singing duets.
4. Every detail is provided in the flashback, including the songs which were sung.
5. The hero won't be arrested for all the people he kills during the fights.
6. Irrespective of how anyone is hurt badly, they are sure to die only after they have revealed something big and shocking usually about the father/mother of the hero/heroine.
7. The hero will allow the villain to hit him twice or more only after which the hero is always untouchable.
8. Heroines may die, but never will the hero die, even if he does, his twin/look alike will replace him.
9. The ghosts draped in white sarees are always better looking than the heroine of that movie.
10. The baddies have such discipline that they come one at a time towards the hero and they get bashed only in a sequence.
1. The heroine falls in love only after the hero has single handedly fought the baddies...which he eventually will.
2. No doctor has ever said good news till date; they remove the specs just to say "Condition is serious, nothing can be said for another 24 hours". Also, the main role of the doctor is to spot a medical miracle and state it.
3. No matter how big the city is, the hero and heroine are sure to meet at the least twice or more before they start singing duets.
4. Every detail is provided in the flashback, including the songs which were sung.
5. The hero won't be arrested for all the people he kills during the fights.
6. Irrespective of how anyone is hurt badly, they are sure to die only after they have revealed something big and shocking usually about the father/mother of the hero/heroine.
7. The hero will allow the villain to hit him twice or more only after which the hero is always untouchable.
8. Heroines may die, but never will the hero die, even if he does, his twin/look alike will replace him.
9. The ghosts draped in white sarees are always better looking than the heroine of that movie.
10. The baddies have such discipline that they come one at a time towards the hero and they get bashed only in a sequence.
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Life is such....
I am so bored as of now that I feel like bitching about totally random stuff like the cockroaches in my pantry, how retarded is the guy typing this blog, the rat trap in my floor or how there is a paucity of good looking girls in my office..especially my floor...but as if my blogs aren't high enough on the ennui quotient already..I prefer to blog about something supposedly exciting - "My life" (but not even remotely so) and how satiated it is with boredom.
My day is such that 7:00 am* is my midnight and I wake up at around 12:00 pm when my shift starts at around 2:00pm. Skipping aside the daily routines involved, let me take you straight to the place which I hate the most and the place I love the most…Yes..My Office. I take the cab in which some crappy songs are played most of the time or if we are lucky, we might get even a movie to watch. The cab journey in itself is a very irritating thing that can happen to me. First and foremost, there are these annoying co-passengers who think that Namitha is good looking and Vijay should enter into politics, not sparing anything from movies to politics to say the least.
Secondly, it is probably the blistering Chennai heat or something, it feels like we are being stuffed into an oven ready to bake us alive or boil us (whatever is possible). But then I am grateful for the guys who built DLF quite close to my house, so that I will have to endure all this for just 20 minutes or so. Once I reach my office, this is when the fun..err..Whatever it is..starts..!!
The usual routine of drudgery and bootlicking starts with the “Reading and Reply” to the mails. I mean there are so many “unnecessary” mails which float around that I wish they just charged some 5 Rs/ mail so as to ensure that ONLY the important things get around. But then, if it weren’t for mails, I don’t think there would be any means by which you can annoy people, show others how jobless you are by pointing out mistakes and proving how ineffective your team mates are. Besides, if it weren’t for the mails, I don’t think you can prove your superiors that you have done some work actually, let aside the wonders that you do. I have learnt very well that ONLY if you mail, you have done some work. If you don’t mail, the chances of your superiors noting your work is as rare as a rainfall in Chennai. It doesn’t matter even if you don’t work, just appear as if you are working by mailing all day long. I think even I will start the trend of mailing so that I can also be in the books of my superiors. After mailing and all that, the actual work starts. I don’t wish to divulge much about the work I do as I don’t want to make this post even more boring that it is now. But I hope daily that there is no work in which I will have to ask my superiors something or get to know some vital information about my projects from them. Yes, you can ask them for the information but the problem is that they don’t reply. It seems like they owe some money to me and I suddenly feel like as if I’m asking the money they owe me. I wonder why they maintain the silence when I ask them something really important. I hate it when these guys go “Away” while you are talking with them and to make things worse, they make me seem like I am the jobless one and that everyone else other than me are busy with their work. And all they shoot back is a “Hi” after which expecting a reply from them is as stupid as expecting me to write something nice in this blog. Agreed that they are busy, but then, they can be a little more polite and couth. But before I can generalize them, there have been instances wherein they have been really nice and have helped me in sorting few things out. I really don’t understand them as they are probably suffering from “Bipolar Syndrome”. Whatever polarity they display, its guaranteed that I SHOULD endure this.
So that’s about it I guess, a day in my boring life. I know that I am ending this post very erratically and incompletely. But then, it’s already time as I have to catch the cab for the drop.
*-Subject to vary as per the shift timings.
p.s:
I hope this really boring post has made you realize how boring my life really is at the moment. Thanks for reading.
My day is such that 7:00 am* is my midnight and I wake up at around 12:00 pm when my shift starts at around 2:00pm. Skipping aside the daily routines involved, let me take you straight to the place which I hate the most and the place I love the most…Yes..My Office. I take the cab in which some crappy songs are played most of the time or if we are lucky, we might get even a movie to watch. The cab journey in itself is a very irritating thing that can happen to me. First and foremost, there are these annoying co-passengers who think that Namitha is good looking and Vijay should enter into politics, not sparing anything from movies to politics to say the least.
Secondly, it is probably the blistering Chennai heat or something, it feels like we are being stuffed into an oven ready to bake us alive or boil us (whatever is possible). But then I am grateful for the guys who built DLF quite close to my house, so that I will have to endure all this for just 20 minutes or so. Once I reach my office, this is when the fun..err..Whatever it is..starts..!!
The usual routine of drudgery and bootlicking starts with the “Reading and Reply” to the mails. I mean there are so many “unnecessary” mails which float around that I wish they just charged some 5 Rs/ mail so as to ensure that ONLY the important things get around. But then, if it weren’t for mails, I don’t think there would be any means by which you can annoy people, show others how jobless you are by pointing out mistakes and proving how ineffective your team mates are. Besides, if it weren’t for the mails, I don’t think you can prove your superiors that you have done some work actually, let aside the wonders that you do. I have learnt very well that ONLY if you mail, you have done some work. If you don’t mail, the chances of your superiors noting your work is as rare as a rainfall in Chennai. It doesn’t matter even if you don’t work, just appear as if you are working by mailing all day long. I think even I will start the trend of mailing so that I can also be in the books of my superiors. After mailing and all that, the actual work starts. I don’t wish to divulge much about the work I do as I don’t want to make this post even more boring that it is now. But I hope daily that there is no work in which I will have to ask my superiors something or get to know some vital information about my projects from them. Yes, you can ask them for the information but the problem is that they don’t reply. It seems like they owe some money to me and I suddenly feel like as if I’m asking the money they owe me. I wonder why they maintain the silence when I ask them something really important. I hate it when these guys go “Away” while you are talking with them and to make things worse, they make me seem like I am the jobless one and that everyone else other than me are busy with their work. And all they shoot back is a “Hi” after which expecting a reply from them is as stupid as expecting me to write something nice in this blog. Agreed that they are busy, but then, they can be a little more polite and couth. But before I can generalize them, there have been instances wherein they have been really nice and have helped me in sorting few things out. I really don’t understand them as they are probably suffering from “Bipolar Syndrome”. Whatever polarity they display, its guaranteed that I SHOULD endure this.
So that’s about it I guess, a day in my boring life. I know that I am ending this post very erratically and incompletely. But then, it’s already time as I have to catch the cab for the drop.
*-Subject to vary as per the shift timings.
p.s:
I hope this really boring post has made you realize how boring my life really is at the moment. Thanks for reading.
Friday, December 11, 2009
Life @ Work, with colleagues.
I wonder if the words "Problem","Leaves" and "Out of town" have become erstwhile as they are being replaced by the more suave and uber cool words like "Issues","Weekly offs" and "Out of Office" respectively.Aside these words being "professional" at this place,there are many other changes in me like -the ability to pretend busy even while being jobless,become a lot cruder than I was at college,lose social contact thanks to shifts etc. So what is place..and what makes it so god damn compelling to go irrespective of my inclination towards it..Its my "Work Place"...!!
True to the title of this blog,I would love to talk about the positives of my workplace or the lack of it.
Coming to think of it, my workplace is pretty cool..I mean..where else would you have a pantry where water is thicker than the milk used, sugar is in the form of small mounds, noodles in the cafeteria take half an hour to cook and chicks in your college seem much better than the ones here so on and so forth. Going ahead of all this, I still love my workplace and work thanks to the time I get to spend on the net* and the free coffee I get to drink..!!
Apart from all these things, there are these colleagues of mine who aggravate the things more so..something like watching vijay movies while feeling sick. Now that I got the comparison right,let me elaborate more on my colleagues.You see, there are about 3 levels in my domain, the Level 1/L1 support team, Software Services/SS team and the INFRA team in the same order of increasing workload and skills required.
The characteristics of each team is what makes them irritating and funny.Some of them are-
1.Level 1 support:
This is where most of the people start off with.These are the guys who do all the ground work and all the work which requires no skills whatsoever except the ability to remember certain facts.If the work done daily is kept on a conveyor belt, it would be a circular one for sure as the work here is so repetitive.All days are Mondays and you would not be able to tell the difference between days.With all due respect to the guys here,nothing here except the mails which SS team sends to point fingers at your mistakes and CC'ing it to the half of the milky way while doing so.
2.SS team:
They are the most intriguing of them all whose primary work involves sending mails to the L1 guys to show what they have done is wrong and make sure that all of them notice it.Apart from all this their other work is to seem busy always so much to the point of being irritating and obnoxious. They are also known for their etiquette in LCS (yes..the messenger that is used in workplaces),so much that anything you ask will change their status to "away" automatically and after asking them a question you can as well go to a trip around the solar system twice,walk your way around earth,come back just to see that they have not replied.I really don't understand what keeps them so busy all along that they can actually overlook someone asking you something important.Hope they are really busy as they claim themselves to be.Now..don't get either of us wrong,all this is my opinion and probably the ones whom I got in touch with are so.I don't want to generalize but then..can't help it.
3.Infra team:
These are the people whom I have only heard of but never actually seen.I think they actually work in top secret locations and undisclosed locations coz trust me..I haven't seen one guy from infra team or probably I am in the wrong floor.Whatever.
They do most of the work right from resolving big problems to the talks with clients who don't understand each others English..!!.I guess they are the less understood,seldom seen characters.Will wait for more updates on them.
I guess that about wraps up this post.Stay tuned for next post..:P.;).
*-Now its been removed and we can browse nothing but google and wikipedia.:(
p.s:
And for those who are wondering in which level I am in- I have worked both in L1 and SS team, leveraged at the moment..!!
True to the title of this blog,I would love to talk about the positives of my workplace or the lack of it.
Coming to think of it, my workplace is pretty cool..I mean..where else would you have a pantry where water is thicker than the milk used, sugar is in the form of small mounds, noodles in the cafeteria take half an hour to cook and chicks in your college seem much better than the ones here so on and so forth. Going ahead of all this, I still love my workplace and work thanks to the time I get to spend on the net* and the free coffee I get to drink..!!
Apart from all these things, there are these colleagues of mine who aggravate the things more so..something like watching vijay movies while feeling sick. Now that I got the comparison right,let me elaborate more on my colleagues.You see, there are about 3 levels in my domain, the Level 1/L1 support team, Software Services/SS team and the INFRA team in the same order of increasing workload and skills required.
The characteristics of each team is what makes them irritating and funny.Some of them are-
1.Level 1 support:
This is where most of the people start off with.These are the guys who do all the ground work and all the work which requires no skills whatsoever except the ability to remember certain facts.If the work done daily is kept on a conveyor belt, it would be a circular one for sure as the work here is so repetitive.All days are Mondays and you would not be able to tell the difference between days.With all due respect to the guys here,nothing here except the mails which SS team sends to point fingers at your mistakes and CC'ing it to the half of the milky way while doing so.
2.SS team:
They are the most intriguing of them all whose primary work involves sending mails to the L1 guys to show what they have done is wrong and make sure that all of them notice it.Apart from all this their other work is to seem busy always so much to the point of being irritating and obnoxious. They are also known for their etiquette in LCS (yes..the messenger that is used in workplaces),so much that anything you ask will change their status to "away" automatically and after asking them a question you can as well go to a trip around the solar system twice,walk your way around earth,come back just to see that they have not replied.I really don't understand what keeps them so busy all along that they can actually overlook someone asking you something important.Hope they are really busy as they claim themselves to be.Now..don't get either of us wrong,all this is my opinion and probably the ones whom I got in touch with are so.I don't want to generalize but then..can't help it.
3.Infra team:
These are the people whom I have only heard of but never actually seen.I think they actually work in top secret locations and undisclosed locations coz trust me..I haven't seen one guy from infra team or probably I am in the wrong floor.Whatever.
They do most of the work right from resolving big problems to the talks with clients who don't understand each others English..!!.I guess they are the less understood,seldom seen characters.Will wait for more updates on them.
I guess that about wraps up this post.Stay tuned for next post..:P.;).
*-Now its been removed and we can browse nothing but google and wikipedia.:(
p.s:
And for those who are wondering in which level I am in- I have worked both in L1 and SS team, leveraged at the moment..!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
